happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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