shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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