maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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