Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
