who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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