Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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