I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
me + whiskey = a bad person
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
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