She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My dick has a subreddit
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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