I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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