the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Terrible idea I love it
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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