it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
