i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
