If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
