We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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