I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
