masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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