All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
