when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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