Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
