their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
