Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
