After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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