hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
