she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Well I just put wine in my tea
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
