thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
