I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I love having hate sex.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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