Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
im on a boat
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