I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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