Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
