And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I want to fling myself into the sun
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
