The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
