I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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