If that was your dad, he is hot
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
