Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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