we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
