I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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