just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
