I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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