he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
