im drinking this country out of the recession.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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