Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
