8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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