ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
