Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
