my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
