I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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