so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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