i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
