This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
