You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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