therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
