My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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