my vag is so smooth its legendary
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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