now i know why i became what i already was.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
