and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
