I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Drunk is not a location!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
