Where did you get a picture of my penis
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
