I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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