My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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