You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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