Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
