when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
