And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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