Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize