Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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