just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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