AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
