I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
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FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
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Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize