the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
