Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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