Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i think i have two assholes
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
