My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
