so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
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hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
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We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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