My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
