I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I am full of burrito and curiosity
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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