Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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