My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
