i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
