I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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