His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
