i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You took a bar mat shot.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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