Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
