My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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