All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
